Letting Love In - Week 2

Week number 2 weigh in was Wednesday, but I've been slammed with amazing things that are popping up on the 'to do' radar.

OK - so drum roll - week 2 results?  Goal was 2 pounds and the results?  3 pounds lost!  Making my two week transformation total on the weight front 11 pounds.  Wow!  59 to go on the total goal.  So many people look at small numbers in weight loss in themselves as nothing, but I'm celebrating.  2 pounds on a gradual steady plan with health as the destination is not only possible, but sustainable.  What does 11 pounds off my frame feel like?

Here's a tactile way to visualize what weight and amounts feel like.  Take a 4 pound bag of sugar.  They used to be 5 pounds, but now they are 4 (which I didn't realize until this exercise).  Hold it in your hand and walk around the house with it.  Now, but it in a tote bag and carry it on your shoulder.  It gets heavy.  11 pounds is almost 3 of these.  So...I put 11 pounds of stuff from my cabinets in my tote bag.  What happens is amazing.  The heaviness got heavier as I went around the house doing chores, walking the dogs, feeding the horses, and going up steps.  Letting the bag go, to hit the floor with a thud let me physically and spiritually LET GO of the pounds my body has lost in 14 days.  No wonder fatigue has been a problem for me.

The wonderful accountability group that has formed with this blog has been so enforcing of this plan, I find my choices changing because you are all pulling for me, and some joining me in this transformation.  This week I ventured out in public, something my depression has kept me from doing for a while.  And the first comment from friend "Greg" was, "Wow, are you losing weight?  You are glowing!  I didn't know how to tell you but you haven't been Devvie - the one that I know, for a long time.  Now, I'm beginning to see you again!".

I thought the loss of me was a secret only I knew.  The truth is, people see you disappearing but no one knows how to tell you.  And no one else can save you.  The second you begin moving toward healing, the people who love you want to come on the journey with you.  They want to cheer you on.  Love is waiting for you to invite it in.

The next stop was my friend Pam who I last saw in December, two months ago.  Her jaw literally dropped and she said, "Girl you look great!  Whatever you are doing is sure agreeing with you!"  11 pounds shows.  But something tells me it's not just the 11 pounds.  It's grabbing on to the positive and hanging on that really shows when we take that first step.  People want to be encouraged.  People want to encourage.  And quite frankly people want something authentic in this plastic virtual world.  So, the authentic me I lost along the way is peeking out from the soft, comfortable, miserable isolation of 'safety' I have created for myself.  Have you created a security suit for yourself?  Trust is tough.  It's scary to be vulnerable enough to become our best.  Faith is easy when you don't need it.  We can brag about having it, when we don't have to depend on it.

Trust...and faith are what this journey is about.  We begin to uncover and peel off our layers of hiding, so that we can shine in our own God-given unique spotlight.  No one can steal our God-light.  But we can give it away.

No one person can give your light back.  But you can ask God to restore it.  For my dear atheist friends, you can do this to.  The glorious part of soul work, is that God's power to heal doesn't depend on your belief in Him.  Silence and time open the door to your spirit for good to flood in.  Love will come to you if the door is open.  Healing can only come from that place.  God IS love.  So for those uncomfortable with calling God, God - it's ok to call on Love.  As my friend, Genma's 90 year old grandma used to say, "Pray to all those funny named religions, and call on all you want to...Jesus' gonna answer, but prayer is prayer."  I love that sweet lady's non-judgmental take on things, don't you?

Week One - I stepped out in faith and honesty and began a change in food habits to get my inner metabolism working and created an accountability group of you. - Results - 8 pounds lost

Week Two - I continued the same food plan, but spent seven days implementing healing of spirit.  Reiki, Inspirational Movie Day, A New Book - called Radical Forgiveness, An interactive healing group, Prayer with a Soul-Saint, and Daily BREATHING exercises.  If you would like to have names of the positive folks on this week's journey, message me and I will give you names and numbers, titles and authors.  - Results - 3 pounds lost

Week Three - Movement is a great part of reconnecting with our body, spirit, and mind.  Notice I didn't say working out.  As my friend, Ingrid pointed out on my first blog post - Do we all have to be the same?  No, Ingrid we don't.  We all have a unique personal best that makes us feel good, and carry on the High Calling.  We all have movement that blesses us and increases our joy.  More as the week continues.

Blessings and good healing to you all.
Devon

Inspired By Dean Miller and...Jim

In my journey, I feel it very necessary to remind me and those readers who stumble upon these pages that transformation is not just weight loss.  This blog has weight loss as one of the goals, yes, but it's way more than that.  

Responses both private and public really boil down to feeling de-valued. Employees are asked to work longer hours for less pay or they will be replaced by someone who will.  We are made to feel less needed by the world as we age.  If we quit anything, there is the echoing subconscious reply of "SO WHAT"?  It's not a female issue, because men have felt these exact feelings of nothingness and failure.   Albeit weight loss is one of the steps on this path, it's not the destination.

I was inspired after church Sunday, when "Jim" pulled me aside and said he'd been reading my blog.  He wanted to encourage me.  But it wasn't in the weight loss he shared insight.  He said, "remember that even when you lose the weight - and you will, it's the great big swirling ball underneath it all that you will have to deal with."  Wow.  He had such compassion and understanding.  It was a recovery moment right there in the church kitchen.  Most of my life has been making folks laugh or influencing them to buy products or services with my God-given talent of speaking.  The swirling ball underneath that encompasses the real me with all it's pain and scars, I've kept neatly tucked away from the world...or so I thought.  But here was Jim, seeing...and so kindly.

Our human condition is so beautiful and fragile that we see and share in each others experience even when we try to chameleon ourselves into a stupor.  Secrets pop out like the innards of a dog bed.  It looks fine, but it gets dirty with life's day to day.  You take off the outer covering, and wash it along with the inside.  The results are clean and fresh smelling, almost like new.  But it's really HARD to get that filling back in the old covering and not have some stuffing trying to escape the zippered edges.  We are like that.  Life gets messy.  We clean it up.  But we are changed by the experience.  Transformation is what life is about.  As we transform, we get the tools to help others transform. 

Thank you Jim, for taking the time for sharing the insights you did.  I'll be focusing on the great big swirly ball underneath the weight loss quest.  I entreat the rest of you to look at your own great big swirly ball of secrets too.  That's when the real transformation begins.  

This morning I watched a new video from my friend, Dean Miller.  I know him as a dog training genius, and animal rescue heart that is so big and precious that you can't help but love him.  Oh, and he has this little music career, too.  (said tongue-in-cheek with a smile, of course).  Dean is a legacy of songwriter royalty.  But I won't go into all that.  Google it yourself.  Here's the cherry on the top of the day.  He has a new song, a new video and Kris Kristofferson joined him in making it.  Powerful message.  

All my church friends who might take issue with a bar-setting...get over it.  This is real.  The tough stuff happens and everyone doesn't run to the prayer room first.  God will meet everyone where they are. Psalm 139 if you need Scriptural back-up on that (Though I make my bed in hell...etc) Ok, I digress.  So two guys meet in a bar.  The conversation leads to the wisdom in a chorus that will help anyone feeling like they can't get up.  Whoop - yeah, there is the inspiration for today! 

You ain't a loser...till you stop getting up...  Dean Miller, from his new album.

See the video HERE

Week ONE Results - YAY

Last week I stepped into the unknown trying to find me.  The only thing I changed about my daily life in week one is food.  I went to my doctor and after checking all my levels and limits, we settled on jump starting my mid-life sluggish metabolism with 1100 calories a day.  I'm 5'10" and proportionate, active and healthy despite being 70 pounds overweight.

Every time I excuse away calorie counting, and try a weird low-carb, fasting, all the lettuce and celery you can eat diets, the results have been negligible. I downloaded the Venus program I found on the internet created for women who have stalled out metabolisms based on hormonal changes.  I plugged in all my stats and the results said a 1100 calorie a day regimen, divided into smaller meals throughout the day would be best for me.  My doctor agreed. 

So using Lean Cuisines, Smart Ones, Healthy Choice, and Michelina's Light meals I started the calorie budgeting.  Instead of sodas, I got my fizzy fix in with LaCroix waters in several essences.  Fast food breakfasts were almost a necessity since I was up at 3:30 and out the door by 4am for the morning show on Mix929.  McDonald's Egg White Delights are a good hearty start at only 240 calories.  I added Progresso soups to the mix for variety mid-week and it really helped change up the fare.  Snacks were a few pretzel sticks with hummus, 1/4 cup of ice cream on two of the days, 3 ginger snaps, Special K with Strawberries/Skim Milk, and Greek yogurt.  I stayed strictly within my 1100 calorie budget using the calculator app on my iphone.  Literally I googled measurements and calories of things, and added everything I ate for the day as I consumed it.  No cheating.  No overlooking a single bite in the totals.

This week contained the natural exercise I get from dog walking pet sitting clients, feeding horses, and taking care of lots of dogs and cats each night.  Was the constant calculating a hassle?  Yes.  I hated it.  It made me angry.  I got really mad that eating had all the fun sucked out of it because I wasn't able to 'metabolate' anymore.  Then I began to remember safe foods, and what a good portion size looked like from day to day.  By the end of the week, I was full at the meals and it was much easier to eat and get on with my day.  The important part of this diet is not skipping meals.  Keep the fuel moving, in smaller amounts while I'm up and mobile during the day - that's the point.  It regulates blood sugar and the body is always burning. (Or at least that is what my doctor explained.

So the result after 7 days?  8 pounds!  8!!!!  Now that may not seem like much, but get a five pound bag of sugar and put it in your shoulder bag.  I promise, even five pounds feels like 20 as you carry it around.  My goal was 2 pounds.  So I'm very excited about this body that has frustrated me through the last decade.  My goal for next week is 2 pounds.  I fully understand that week 1 was about jump starting my metabolism, consuming less than I burn daily.  Week one can be discouraging on week two if the results are less than before.  I'm prepared.  So - 2 pounds is the goal. 

New additions to the plan this week?
Doing something good for me every day. 
Today I had a reiki session which  I'll share more about tomorrow. 

It is my plan to be good to the me that has gotten me this far down the road.  Changes don't always have to be about giving something up, right?  It is my hope that being gentle with myself and rewarding my accomplishments with positives, I will stay on the journey and influence the steps  having nothing to do with weight loss for the good as well.

Smiling...on the Inside

There I was...standing in line at the prestigious Ford Agency in NYC, waiting to pick up my check.  I looked a tad out of place with the bevvy of stick-like chiseled faced stars of the runway.  It was in the 80s and super-model had just been coined as a phrase.  I was not one of those.  My division was new and called Today's Woman.   Our group was housed on the third floor of the historic red-doored brownstone agency and consisted of the over-forty models who were faces behind hair coloring products and senior vitamins, the specialty hand and foot models, and the Plus division of which I was one of the pioneers. Size 14 and up, we seemed very different from the Super-model set or the human clothes hangers of the runway.  Still we stood in the line just as they to pick up our paychecks from modeling shape-wear and Just My Size panty-hose.

Behind me in line on this day was the lovely Kim Alexis, and just ahead was Carol Alt.  Stunning yet, completely natural since no real New York model ever wore make-up when she wasn't working.  I learned from the real pros that wearing heavy make-up on a daily basis was aging to the skin.  To this day, I practice the - moisturize often, don't blow dry unless you have to, scrunchy your hair back with oil on the lengths, and always have a water bottle in your bag - habits of the women who knew how to accentuate the positives and protect the assets.  No one ever wore make-up "on the street" because we were told early on by the booking staff that the only women wearing make-up on the street were call girls.  That made me cringe because every visit to NYC prior to learning this sage advice, I had always dressed up and worn lots of make-up.  No wonder I had gotten odd looks from the natives as I rode up the elevator to my hotel rooms in the past.  As lovely as these women...and men (Ted Danson was actually a Ford Model at the time) were, they didn't smile much.  I don't know if they reserved smiles for the cameras and paid jobs, or whether they were just hungry.  The thin girls didn't get to eat much.

That's when Christie Brinkley walked in.  The door opened and the sunshine flooded in, and I'm sure angels somewhere began to sing the Mary Tyler Moore theme.  Christie bounced in with her back pack on one shoulder, golden locks bouncing, looking as if she had just come from the beach or a cheer-leading event.  She spoke to everyone and they all looked like they'd been touched by a magic wand.  She carried joy into the room and I was quite frankly awestruck.  She didn't look emaciated or sullen like many of the other models.  Christie Brinkley was the picture of health and self-care.  She emanated light.  Her smile was so infectious it made you giggle.  All-American girl next door clean shined from her very core.  Christie was different.  She seemed unsinkable.  She looked right into your eyes and said hello.  Fearless.  Endearing.  Fresh.  An unforgettable impression.

Move to present-day and the cover of People magazine, and Christie Brinkley at...60.  60!  And, quite frankly looks almost identical to the 21 year old Christie.  Wow.  How did she do that????  It can't be a ton of plastic surgery because she looks natural and there is such a grace to her face, that one can only attribute this kind of aging to clean living and good healthy lifestyle.  She has not had a perfect life, two very painful public divorces and empty nest is quite eminent with all her children almost grown.  How could I institute a lifestyle in my 50s that could affect my 60s in a positive way?  Any tips, Christie?

Actually she does have a really great list.  You can find the whole list here. But to paraphrase, she has a mainly vegetarian lifestyle (healthy foods), spends a lot of time fighting for powerful causes like saving elephants (great passion)...and she smiles(#1 on her aging gracefully list BTW).  On her facebook page she says "The mere act of putting your lips in that position tells your body to release chemicals that instantly make you feel better," in an article in Prevention Magazine.

What if you aren't in a smiling place in your life?  Depression can really hurt and life's little destructions can pull your smile right off your face.  Today, I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.  I practiced "putting my lips in that position".  I smiled with nothing to smile about.  And, oddly enough do you know what happened?  My body began to feel better.  Peace began to seep into my spirit. Immediately I imagined back to that moment the golden beams of light preceding Christie into that room where I stood, and the smile she shared warmed my heart.  Smiles do that, even years after the fact.  Even in the darkness, there is an inside smile that you can call upon and even if it's only a physical exercise at first, a spiritual miracle will begin to take place.

Today's exercise:  Go to the mirror and practice the art of smiling.  Smile at yourself.  You probably need a smile as much as I did today.  Let the miracle of your inner smile become the blessing of your outer smile to the world around you.  Experience what happens when you smile at others.  Just give it a moment.  Sometimes...they smile back.

Have a beautiful blessed day.

The Passion Pilot Light

Wow.  I had no idea how many people were in this boat with me.  When you begin a journey like this one, you can somehow convince yourself you are terminally unique.  No one ever has felt this way and no one ever will in the history of the universe.  This is my problem, for only lil' ol' me to solve.  Well, the isolation and even the reverse power of ego is a lie.  I will guarantee for every terminally unique problem you think you might have, there is someone on this planet going through something similar and maybe even textbook - the SAME thing as you are. 

I thought it would give me accountability to put myself 'out there' and confess my truth, so that every time I felt like giving up, I would have a loving circle in my subconscious to "just say no".  It's always easier with accountability.  It's why 12 step groups work. And Nutrisystem.  And John Wesley's doctrine for that matter.
If we have to stand up in front of people, real or virtual and say here's where I am and what got me here, and what I am doing to get un-stuck from this place it just works better than trying to stay on a singular secret path.  Support, encouragement, and teamwork are helpful.  Fear of facing the group with failure is incentive to stay on the wagon, too.  However I had no idea how many people are facing the same thoughts, feelings and image crisis thoughts as I am.  The ideas of like minds are creating this powerful synergy. 

Inspirational books to read, slogans, recipes, ideas, phone apps and a host of great ideas that have come to each of us individually are converging.  Instead of having 1 good idea, I can share all the wonderful inspirations that have helped us individually.  Now - we have lots of good ideas.  Share freely.  If it has helped you, it will help someone else. 

This from Kent Henderson:  A new book from Jane Pauley is right on the money for where a lot of us are right now.  It's not just a weight loss issue, a female issue, a change of life or aging issue.  It's an across the board feeling that we are devalued as human beings.  The new book is of course available at all major book outlets, online stores, etc.  It's easy to get on Kindle or Nook.  Here's an article about the book.  Your Life Calling, Reimagining the Rest of Your Life by Jane Pauley is right where I am.  The only point I disagree with Jane on is, to her, everyone does not have a great passion in life.  Everyone DOES have a great passion in life.  It may not register on the "I made a gazillion dollars and eradicated the guinea worm from Africa" scale of huge, but we all come into this world with passion.  It's in our D.N.A.  In the book Ignore Everybody by Hugh MacLeod, he writes that in kindergarten everyone is given a box of crayons.  Somewhere along the way, most stop coloring.  But one kid keeps his crayons to the critical shouts of the world to 'get a real job', and THAT kid becomes Picasso.  Or Gary Larson. Or Frank Lloyd Wright.  We all have a passion, but somewhere along the journey we buy into the way we are supposed to be, and that flame becomes a flicker, and then it becomes all but extinguished.  But...it's not out.  It's a pilot light.  That's how we are made.  So, if it's stamp collecting, or building birdhouses, or serving soup on Tuesdays at Room In The Inn, the passion pilot light is somewhere waiting for you to turn up the heat.

Today in the Journey for me:
1.  Read Jane Pauley's Book
2.  Meditate on the lost passion and let God remind me what it is.
3.  Learn to love louder than the negative thoughts.  Write 10 positive things about me.
4.  Write down 10 things that I consider blessings.
5.  Stay on the path of 1100 calories a day, and find time for 25 minutes of aerobic activity.

Thanks for the messages (both public and private), the ideas, the books, the encouragement and joining in with me on this journey.  You are of great value to me and the Creator who thinks you are about the coolest in the whole world.  Keep those ideas and helpful stuffs comin'! 

Welcome to my first week of getting my groove back.  So - I wake up on January 18th in the cold of my new 52nd year.  I go to the mirror and I feel old, depressed, and almost unable to function.  It doesn't help I'm stuck in-between flu and pneumonia so I haven't slept well in weeks.  Have you ever been there?

How did I get here?  60 pounds overweight.  Ok 70.  And I never seem to get around to coloring that overgrowth of gray hair roots and I dress in the comfort of a vagabond, grabbing anything that will fit and stretches.  Seasonal affective depression always hits me hard, so that exacerbates the problem.  So here I am in the control room - my comfort zone since I was 17 years old.  Somewhere behind a microphone talking to the unseen public is the place I thrive.  I was off mic once for 7 days.  I thought I would die.  So I called Mix929 and they put me in the bull pen and here I am.  Saturday morning with a 4am wake-up with snow raining down over middle TN.

Have you ever felt like an ugly alien invaded your body and spirit?  Well God pointed out these bootstraps He equipped me with.  My Higher Power doesn't like for me to feel defeated.  It's not how I was made.  So - feeling like I'm towing a load of bricks, heading uphill in the snow, I'm starting a journey of getting my groove back.  I'm trying to remember who I was before I lost me. 

One day at a time, one new addition to the regimen each week that I will share with you, I'm going to reach for those bootstraps and pull myself back into life.  Higher Power help is always available and in the steep passes I'm hangin' on for deal life.  I do know that I'm not alone.  So - if you are in a similar mode in 2014, and you'd like to join my journey, feel free to post and share your experience.  Positive, negative, real, authentic - all are welcome to take these steps with me.

Week one - I've been to my doctor for a physical.  My blood pressure is better than it has been in years.  I've got a mammogram scheduled, a colonoscopy (oh yay.), and meetings on the books.  Changes this week?

1.  Balance the day's food intake with 1100 calories, focusing on healthy choices.
2.  Getting sleep.
3.  Drinking more water than coffee.
4.  No more sugary sodas.
5.  1-2 cups of coffee a day.
6.  Increase vitamin D, calcium/magnesium, and St. John's Wort

I will report back on Wednesday - which will be one week of this new regimen, and share the results of these first changes.  Who wants to join me on this groove back journey?